Some people do quite bizarre things during sex. Or just before, immediately after.
Be it fetish or fantasy, or even just the desire the knock up a bowl of crab gnocci while other people get to it, some humans are unquestionably sexually adventurous.
Women on Mumsnet have been sharing the more peculiar encounters they’ve had in the bedroom. Most of them are cringeworthy, while some are simply hilarious.
The discussion came to light around the same time cult magazine Popb**** shared an incredible anecdote about an unnamed former cabinet minister who allegedly says to his wife while in the throws of passion: “Do you want want more? Because there is more”.
Well! Here are some more stories…
The most amusing come from NotTheFordType , who writes: “I’ve got one guy who exclaims ‘Holy macaroni!’ at the point of orgasm.
“Another one who said very formally ‘Thank you’ before dismounting.
“A very posh ex-public schoolboy who declaimed “Here it comes. HERE. IT. COMES!” in cut glass tones, as he ejaculated.”
They say their current partner isn’t quite so vocal, but looks rather like internet feline ‘Grumpy Cat’ at the vital moment.
Others chime in. VoyageofDad writes: “I knew a guy who used call out random bits of kitchenware.
“‘Kenwood mixer’. ‘Ceramic hob’ etc.”
And on the other end of the spectrum, one woman explains: “Had one who didn’t make a single noise. Most disconcerting. Didn’t see him again.”
While Saleorbouy writes: “After a friend took back a girl from the club they ended up in the bedroom.
“Naked on all fours on the bed she turned to say ‘None of yer fancy stuff, just horse it into me!’”
Another woman shares: “I overheard my uni housemate cry ‘smash my pasty’ when she was having sex.
“I’ve never been able to go into Greggs without thinking of it!”
And, finally, this, which is just… absolutely incredible, really: “A very odd man I once dated once got out of bed mid-dtd [sex] to look for a pound coin which he’d dropped in the hallway and had rolled into the hallway cupboard.
“He literally was emptying this cupboard out, standing naked with a big pile of stuff around him, a tent, old rucksacks, towels etc (the sort of crap a single bloke in his thirties would keep in his airing cupboard). Even when I offered to give him a different pound, he still wouldn’t come back to bed.
“He said he couldn’t even think about finishing until he’d found it.”