Lawyer Jokes

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What do lawyers and bullfrogs have in common?

October 03, 2013
Question: What do lawyers and bullfrogs have in common?  Answer: Both have a big head that consists mostly of mouth.

Snake versus Lawyer

October 03, 2013
Question: What is the difference between a poisonous snake and a lawyer?  Answer: You can make a pet out of the snake.

Stranded on Island

October 03, 2013
Four out of five doctors say that if they were stranded on a deserted island with no lawyers, they wouldn't need any aspirin.  

Beating a Lawyer

October 03, 2013
Question: What do you get if you beat the sh*t out of a lawyer? Answer: An empty suit.

Definition of Lawyer

October 03, 2013
Lawyer: someone who makes sure that he gets what's coming to you.  

How was copper wire invented?

October 03, 2013
Question: How was copper wire invented?  Answer: Two lawyers arguing over a penny.

Lawyer versus Boxing Referee

October 03, 2013
Question: What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee? Answer: A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.

Birth control for lawyers

October 03, 2013
Question: What do lawyers use for birth control?  Answer: Their personalities.

Missing Money

October 03, 2013
Question: The tooth fairy, an honest lawyer, and an expensive, dishonest lawyer are in the same room. There is a $500 bill on a table

Robot Lawyer

October 03, 2013
Lawyers are safe from the threat of automation taking over their professions. No one would build a robot to do nothing.  

Late Lawyer

October 03, 2013
The lawyer wandered home at 3 AM. His wife became very upset, telling him, "You're late! You said you'd be home by 11:45!" The lawyer

Applying for a Job

October 03, 2013
Applying for a job, a new lawyer was asked if paying back his law school tuition would be any special problem. He replied that he

Jury

October 03, 2013
A jury is a collection of people banded together to decide who hired the better lawyer.  

Jehovah's Witness

October 03, 2013
A lawyer was asked if he would like to become a Jehovah's Witness. He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but would still be

Female prosecutors versus terrorists

October 03, 2013
Question: What's the difference between female prosecutors and terrorists?  Answer: You can negotiate with terrorists.

Lawyers in Graves

October 03, 2013
Question: Why are lawyers buried in deeper graves than other folks? Answer: Deep down, they're much nicer people.

Lawyers in Sand

October 03, 2013
Question: What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?  Answer: Not enough sand.

Porcupine versus Lawyers

October 03, 2013
Question: What's the difference between a porcupine and two lawyers in a Porsche?  Answer: The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Prostitute in Law School

October 03, 2013
Question: What do you get if you send a prostitute to law school? Answer: A f***ing know-it-all.

How many lawyers to screw a light bulb?

October 03, 2013
Question: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: How many can you afford?

Lying Attorney?

October 03, 2013
Question: How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie?  Answer: His lips begin to move.
total: 21 | displaying: 1 - 21

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